MuSengs

For futher utterances: http://thinkbelievegrow.blogspot.com/

There are some things I'd like to write about but for the life of me I cannot remember what they are. Only a month or so before I head to Cairns/Port Douglas for holidays - returning, as I candidly put it, to the place of my downfall (literally - when I fell in the Daintree and broke my leg back in June '05). While convalescing then, this blog became a bit of a lifesaver as I was able to fill hours of boredom with blog entries that showed me the value of keeping a journal.

Unfortunately, things of late have been rather busy that I have not had much opportunity or motivation to continue this blog.

It's a quiet night tonight. Mac is off at his sister's for dinner, and I'm just taking things easy with a glass of wine and a bit of reflection. Quiet times that have become a bit of a rare commodity since I acquired a housemate. Funny, that with a housemate, I have this feeling that my time should be spent in conversation with Mac, or at least interacting with him, so much so that I do miss the "my time" or the "quiet times".

Today, I picked up the Sigma f1.4 30mm lens. That's really all I'll write about it.

I have also been very remiss with the gym/swim thing over the last 2-3 weeks, the upshot of which is further weight gain which I am not happy about. Not happy Jan. Not happy at all. I'm finding it difficult, the the increased social activity and also cooking for two (on my cooking nights) to keep to a low-calorie diet. And Mac getting Magnum ice-creams obviously does not help. :-)

Things feel a bit flat. There are plenty of things happening but none of them _feel_ consequential, if you know what I mean. I feel as if I'm just filling time with things to occupy my mind but which have no value in the long term. I'm trying to understand the cause of this feeling, why I think this way. Photography, exhibitions, travel have all become part of this "filling time" sensation. I wonder what's around the corner?

Life feels good now, but also so pointless. It borders on hedonism and I feel as if I am ignoring key values to which I had clung only two or so years ago.

In Perth today -- I had driven in after work to pick up the lens -- I noticed a number of people begging. A middle aged man in a t-shirt and trackie dacks asked for money to buy cigarettes. A fairly well-dressed bearded man with a back pack and tatts sat in a corner with a sign asking for money. He did not engage with passers by. A short, middle-aged bloke was selling The Big Issue outside a store (I bought an issue). An old woman, with bedraggled, oily hair sat on a portable chair outside the same store, begging, but she said nothing to passers by. Just had a MacDonald's paper cup at her feet. A bunch of young men and women - whom I first mistook for the emo crowd - hung at the bus stand just outside Wesley Church; I think they are homeless young people. I'm not sure what to make of this. In groups or individually, they occupy unbreachable spaces. Even with the guy from whom I bought The Big Issue: I wished him a good weekend. What fucking crap! The notion of a good weekend only makes sense if you're working; it's based on the assumption that after a week of hard work, the worker has some time off to enjoy -- an experience which does not apply to the Big Issue vendor. I felt like an absolute twat after I said that, so I nodded, embarrassed, and waved as I walked off.

How long since my last blog post? I've let this poor wee fella fester on the roadside while I went on my merry way through life.

It's been a tiring day today: perhaps a combination of heat (can you believe it hit 30C today - and it's April/Autumn) and having to come home and cook a meal. I'm not almost through a glass of cab shiraz (Baldivis Estate) and feeling a bit calmer, a bit more mellow. Rather than try and catch up with events that have happened since my last blog entry, I'll just write about what's happening now.

Tomorrow night's the Launch of this year's Site Unseen Exhibition - at the Town Hall, and I'm looking forward to just having a great time. Feisty gave me a free tix to the event, and invited me over to the after party at her place, so I intend to get merry, especially seeing as it's the long Easter weekend. Now, I know it's not generally the practice to conduct such inappropriate revelry on such a solemn occasion as Good Friday and Easter, but I think I will be excused a little if I enjoyed myself, as I have been tired of late and doing my hardest to keep abreast (afloat?) despite the housemate issues that have been occurring recently.

I also conducted a photo shoot for my In-camera Exposure project on the Sunday just past - what an experience it was. In case you didn't know the project involves photographing other photographers in the nude, with their camera/s to explore the connection that photographers have with their camera equipment. Sunday was Blondie's shoot - I've only met her about 2-3 times and was myself surprised when she contacted me wanting to model for the project. It all went remarkably well - she found the experience empowering and liberating, and I found that I was able to switch off and focus on the job as a photography, and learned a lot more about myself and my capacity as a photographer. All in all, a very positive experience for both model and photographer.

On the home-front, Mr Mac's on/off again thing with Katie is a bit wearying on me. I try to be the supportive friend and housemate but I fear that it is beginning to wear a little thin on me, if only because my capacity for empathy is perhaps slowly dwindling. I also find myself idly resenting the fact that I seem to be pulling the bulk of the weight at home -- not a problem if I were living single, but with the housemate, I seem to be doing most of the cooking, cleaning, washing etc. ie the duties of the 'responsible adult'. I'm trying very hard to be detached and 'Zen' about it - ie. give without expecting anything in return, receive without feeling obligated - but I sometimes feel that my housemate is so caught up in his own affairs, in his own problems, that he fails to, or is unable to, engage with the requirements of a shared household. Or perhaps he just doesn't share my attitude towards keeping things to a reasonable standard of neatness and cleanliness. For instance, he removes things from shelves and does not put them back.

Ah, enough griping. I'm sure I'll be looking back on this one day and having a quiet snigger at how petty I am now.

Onto more changes: my Canadian friend, D, is now married and will be relocating to England from Winniped (hi D!). The news of the wedding came as a surprise as there were no indications in the years of email exchanges we conducted since... 2002. But I'm happy for her as it means that she has finally found a place outside of Winnipeg (!) to settle, and being located in the UK puts so many places in Europe within a couple of hours' reach.

I've also booked a flight to Cairns in June - will spend 2 weeks there (well, in Port Douglas and the Tablelands). After my disasterous last trip, I'm definitely going to take things a bit more carefully there - and will make this more a relaxing holiday than a run around and do everything trip. I plan on hiring a car and doing a drive - at the very least around the waterfalls in the Tablelands, and then up to Port Douglas, Mosman and the Daintree. Hopefully, all will go well this time.

Well, glass of wine is almost gone, and so endeth this post.

It's the eve of Chinese New Year and I'm just about to wrap up the house cleaning. It's been a frenetic day - off to Cottesloe Beach to photograph the Rottnest Channel Swim this morning only to find that it was cancelled due to rough conditions. But that didn't stop a few people from braving the ocean to do a mini-swim around the Pylon, so I stayed around and photographed them. The images can be viewed here.

Mr Mac is having a snooze, having just returned from work, while I've just placed new bulbs in the 70s style chandeliars so that there will be light tomorrow morning when we welcome in the New Year. Tonight's dinner with the extended family - but I've already gorged myself with terrible, terrible snack food, including Melaka kueh and a Magnum almond encrusted chocolate ice-cream (329 calories!). God only knows how I'm going to shed these cals!

I've organised a small Chinese New Year lunch tomorrow with Mac and a few friends - I'm not cooking and will be relying on take away from Chin's Noodle House. Mmm-mmmm calorific!!

I feel like writing tonight so I'm just going to let the words come.

Firstly, for the last two weeks, I have been feeling very restless, yet unable to pinpoint the source of this restless energy. It feels as if there is fog in my head, and around me, and I am unable to think, see or feel my way in anything resembling the right direction. So, I have been wandering aimlessly, fruitlessly, as though lost and without a map or an inkling of where I am or where I'm heading. Some would think this a feeling of tremendous liberation, but it weighs heavily on my conscience. I feel a change in mindset coming and I don't want to acknowledge it, nor do I want it to occur. I do not want these thoughts disrupting my placid happiness, the stability of my being at this point in time. I've been feeling jittery, anxious, dwelling on negative sentiments of late and I want out of this frame of mind. I want out!

I joined the photowalkers on a photo walk around Mosman Park yesterday. Today, the photowalking group is so full of praise and excitement yet, for me, the photowalk yesterday was uninteresting and underwhelming. Again, it could merely be my uninterested, disconnected state of mind but I felt completely detached from the experience, almost resenting it. I beat a hasty retreat after an hour or so.

Today was Owen's big party for turning 1 and again, I felt withdrawn and detached from the proceedings. Instead, I busied myself with getting the food and drinks ready, and carrying Owen around, and not really connecting with the other guests. Pete wasn't there, neither were Art or Gosh, and I don't associate well (read: play well) with most of the other people there. I know that I'm usually outgoing and quite social but just didn't feel like I wanted to get into any conversations there.

I think I'm starting to resent the company of others. I'm not sure why, or what's triggered it, but the thought of yakking with strangers or folk I don't know too well bores the feck out of me. It's this ridiculous mood I'm in and I'm not sure how to get out of it. I wish I knew what occasioned it - at least then I'll be able to work my way through it.

I resent the fact that I spend so much time on photography, yet I'm continuously drawn to taking photographs and wanting to talk about photographs.
I resent the many social gigs and meets that I have had to attend, yet I'm drawn to the social nature of these gatherings.
I resent having to bite my tongue and appear jovial when dealing with Mr Mac, yet I've grown to enjoy his company and friendship.

Is it a case of my now resenting what I had previously enjoyed? What I previously loved doing? And if this is the case, then I fear a change is coming, and it's a change I do not approve or value. I'm too focused on insecurities - anxieties about failure, about under-performance are more often in my thoughts these days than feelings of well-being and compassion. Something plagues places in my mind that I cannot reach with my thoughts. It dwells and gnaws from deep within.

I need to rise above this miasma, this grey, grey shroud  that blankets my thinking.

But I do not know how.

Sometimes, I wonder if this is just an 'off period' - a mild blue period, or depressive episode (am I depressed?), a product of chemical imbalances within my brain - and if it is, perhaps it will pass and I will just need to weather it. But this is just a thought and I know that I have been feeling like this for a while now. While it's not been as bad as in the past, I thought I was done with such feelings since 2003 when there was one such occurrence. Perhaps I'm wrong.

Think happy shiny thoughts.
Think happy shiny thoughts!!!

I'm on a biorhythmic low at the moment - feeling very unenergetic, unmotivated and just flat. At least I'm aware of this, so that I can manage my emotions and reactions when things happen which may not be of a very positive nature.

I decided tonight that I would go and watch Happy Feet as I had intended lo those many weeks ago. Visually, it is highly arresting and impressive - I have never seen any landscape rendered to naturally, yet also so dramatically, as the way the Antarctic setting is rendered in this film. The storyline itself was, for me, luke warm; even the characterisation was fairly full. Perhaps I'm just not a penguin person - I was rather underwhelmed by March of the Penguin and Happy Feet reprises certain themes from the documentary, though with a Disney-esque glow about it. :-)

I've also been thinking of exhibition ideas. Thusly:

1. Sons of Beaches: I think this will be a go-er -- an exhibition that presents a revisioning of the iconic Australian surf lifesaver and the life saving tradition which, while giving a nod to its macho past, also explores ways in which these 'gladiators of the surf' can be represented photographically in ways which are part-documentary and part-art. I'm thinking of interspersing images of the lifesavers themselves with images of club houses (the older style ones), watch towers and of beaches, to add a more solid idea of context to the images -- so that they are not just viewed as action shots. I was also thinking of including archival images or footage - which I will need to source from Surf Life Saving WA, and of offering 50% of the profit from sales to SLSWA.

2. Chaos and Drama (working title): a selection of my 'travel photos' from my trip to Greece, which examines and explores the tension between traditional travel photography, where the photographer is always the outsider, looking in at the exotic 'other', and my need, as a photographer, to connect with a space or community in order to photograph it, which is at odds with the tradition of travel photography that celebrate the uniqueness (the 'otherness' or foreignness) of communities and environments, as evidenced in the colour inserts within travel guidebooks such as the Lonely Planet. The selection will include postcard-esque shots (such as the long exposure landscapes), holiday snapshots, as well as my more documentary images taken where I felt a strong connection with a place.

3. subUrbia (working title): I've recently become fascinated by monumentalistic constructions found within suburbia, for example, take-away outlets and petrol stations which stand, like modern shrines, in the centre of vast car parks. I'm going to try and photograph these establishments in medium format (with the TLR) and see what happens. Initially, I thought about posing people in front of these buildings but the more I think about it, the more I believe that the photographs should focus solely on the monolithic nature of these buildings.

I've been having work dreams, clearly an indication that some aspect of work is bearing some weight in my mind. Dream #1 had me accepting another position elsewhere but then realising that I didn't want the new position and wanted to stay where I was. Dream #2 had me sleeping in till 11.30am due to over-exhaustion (not work-related) and then waking up to wonder how I would explain it to the people at work. They're not particularly unpleasant dreams, but neither are they pleasant ones. Thing is, these dreams are about work in general, not just an aspect of work eg. a task or project. I wonder if I'm working through my attitude in general towards work in my sub-conscious.

I felt very flat yesterday and didn't want to do much when I got home from work, so I played Jade Empire again on the Xbox for a couple of hours, then went to bed. Mr Mac wanted to go on a dusk photoshoot but I just felt like vegeing out on the couch and doing nothing too intellectually taxing. Then, I got a headache due to motion sickness from playing the game... :-( Oh, and I ended up having to cook again last night as Mac didn't feel like cooking. But at least he did all the washing up - even if it meant my having to clean up the washed dishes as he had stacked the clean dishes all in the dirty sink (!). 

I've actually been feeling very flat since the weekend... I can't seem to be enthused about things, consumed in this strange ennui as I am.

Heroes debuts on the TV tonight - I'm looking forward to it. I'm actually just looking forward to watching more television these days given that the ratings period has just kicked back in. Bad huh?

This year, I'm going to make an effort to photograph the start of the Rottnest Channel Swim. For those not in the know, this is the ultimate Open Water Swim in WA - with competitors swimming the 19 or so kilometres from Perth (Cottesloe) to Rottnest. The swim begins at about 5 am'ish, I believe, and teams head into the water in groups. Hopefully, this will let me build on the images in my 'Sons of Beaches' photography project.

Australia Day has come and gone and it was a scorcher of a weekend - temps in high 30s and low 40s C, with searingly hot easterlies. I'm surprised that my lawn survivied the heatwave. I went to the Freo Aust Day fireworks with Pazza aka Scott aka P.du.V from Flickr/PIP and met up with Noobs, Antz and Atrei too. The fireworks display was a small affair but there was a great buzz around the fishing boat harbour and nary a nasty moment - so a good time was had by all. Down at Bather's Beach after the fireworks, crowds gathered to watch the lightning show as thunderclouds moved in. However, apart from a few sprinkles, there wasn't much rain despite all the celestial fanfare.

I've started lunchtime swims at Cottesloe Beach with the guys from work, complementing the morning swim/gym sessions. Unfortunately, I don't seem to be cutting down the daily consumption of cals (due to the lack of flavour in low-cal food and my need for flavour in my food :-) ) - so the weight has stayed pretty steady which is a bit disappointing. Plus stopping for a tall choc chip java frappe en route to work isn't doing the cal count any favours idea.

I must admit to finding journal style blogging at this point in time to be rather turgid. I was discussing this with D via email and mentioned that perhaps the drop in blogging activity can be attributed to the fact that I now have a housemate to whom I can vent at the end of the day. But I think that's only half of it. I'm also busier these days, which means less time to reflect on things which I have previously found time on which to reflect. I know that I feel as if I have lost an aspect of my thinking which has been valuable to me in terms of grounding me in the way I want to relate to this world. Perhaps I have now internalised these values and no longer need to be explicit about them.

Who knows?

Happy New Year, 2007!

I was going to say that I hope this will be a year free of suffering for humanity - instead, I'll say that I hope this is the year in which humanity's conscience is raised to such a level that we begin acting, as a group, against agents and agencies who would seek to profit by creating suffering, whether directly or indirectly. I hope this is the year in which we realise and actualise our capacity to be agents of change for the betterment of all people and all sentient beings, and of the environment. I hope this is the year in which we forsake capital, greed and power, and turn instead to compassion, kindness and generosity. I hope this year finds us working against our own propensities towards prejudice, judgmentalism, parochialism, ignorance, avoidance and single-mindedness. I hope this is the year in which we become more human and more humane as a people. I hope all of this because I sometimes think that we may not get many more chances at it.

We had a semi-impromptu NYE party last night - only organised on Saturday. Present were Guy Mac, Sckwish, Shem and Jazz, Matt and Sharon, Terri and Stephan, and myself. It was a very laid back affair and most enjoyable because of it - though I think there was a small issue towards the end as Matt and Sharon had not worked out who was driving home and both had been drinking. Oo-er! :-)

Today's the last day of my holidays and I feel rested (if still slightly woozy from last night) - it feels as if I have had a good, restful holiday, and that I have achieved a number of things I have set out to achieve.

Yikes - my week's holiday is winding to an end and I still have no concrete plans for NYE. Shem and Jazz were going to organise a NYE thing for a group of us photographers, so I had told TS that, in all probability, I wouldn't be going to his NYE party at his place (I've been to his NYE parties over the last 3 or so years and was looking forward to something a wee bit different this year). But it looks like S and J have yet to get things going (I'm writing this on the eve before NYE!) so it may be back to the Sinagras for NYE this year. I'm catching up with S+J for dim sum at lunch today so would be interesting to hear if they have anything planned for NYE.

I made a road trip with Nath to Goomaling to photograph Yalmunging Rock and its surrounds. Spent the night at XTK and A's place, and had a good play with baby Ash who is too cute for words. He's a very amiable, interactive and happy baby which, I think, is a relfection of the quiet, confident calm that comes from his parents. They are two of the most gentle and grounded people I know, and it was almost a breath of fresh air to be in their company after the recent roller-coaster ride of living with GuyMac and his women troubles. :-)

I'm going to try and get some errands done today, namely drop off roll-up poster to Fitzgeralds (what GM was supposed to have done weeks ago), and I'd also like to spend some time browsing in Border's Bookstore. As I was 'complaining' to Nath during our road-trip, I've never had the opportunity to just browse and relax because the two times I've been there in the past have been with people (aka GM) who aren't into books so I felt constrained in the amount of time I could spend there.

On the homefront, AAH has finally left M&D's place - M found her a unit a couple of suburbs away and spent much of yesterday helping her move. I was over for dinner last night and was listening to her speak to M as M was packing up some leftovers for her to have for lunch or dinner the next day: she was so demanding ("Put in more chilli", "That's enough pork") that I was on the verge of firmly asking her to stop speaking to M that way and to show some respect and gratitude for what M and D have done in the last month since she broke up with her husband, moved out and went crazy. But I bit my tongue. She's been decidely very uncommunicative towards me as she knows I dislike her being there and have been trying to convince M and D to get her to move out so that she will cease having that awful influence on them. No doubt she will continue to be as demanding as she hasn't moved that far away but at least she is not in their house 24/7. I can't forgive her for the stresses that she put M&D through in the last few weeks.

I think we're in a heatwave. This is perhaps the 5th or 6th day in a row where the temps have been in the mid 30s, which does not bode well for my poor lawn. Already, huge tracts of brown, dead grass are appearing in the back yard.

Christmas was very festive - had lunch at the Sinagras, which comprised of roast turkey, roast pork, roast pumpkin, potato bake, salad, my honey-soy chicken drummettes, followed by dessert. I was almost rolling home after that due to over-consumption of food.

Boxing Day was spent at Leighton Beach - had an excellent swim (the water was bitingly refreshing, a tonic to the rising heat of the day), then went for a long walk up to Mosman Beach, looking at all the happy dogs at the dog beach... This photo was taken with my wide angle set at 10mm. I was thinking to myself as that beachside kiosks such as these are a rarity these days, what with restaurants and chic cafes popping up all around the coast.

I'm off on a road trip with Nath tomorrow - to Goomaling, to photograph Yalmunging Rock and the surrounds. Will be spending the night at X and A's place, so should be good. I feel a bit guilty about springing this at the last minute, but will be bringing up Xmas cheer via the forms of presents. :-)

... or when next I say that I will photograph a wedding pro bono.

Did Roberto and Sarah's wedding yesterday with Nathan. I wasn't feeling up to it, what with Sunday being such a warm and humid day and my feeling very tired due to a series of late nights and very early mornings. I remember being sprawled on the couch telling GuyMac that I resented having to do this wedding as it took out the bulk of my Sunday weekend day. Fast forward 10 hours and I was a mess. I had spent 5 hours doing the shoot both  of the groom's preparation at Rob's home, then of the ceremony at St Michael the Archangel in West Leederville, and was severely dehydrated at the end of it (why I left my water bottle at home, I don't know). Then, I was going to the folks' for dinner but Sarah convinced me otherwise as they had arranged places at a table for both Nathan and I at the reception. So it became a late night, filled with too much photography and pressure to perform (during which the batteries in my flash and camera decided to die - despite my having diligently charged them the day before), and I was very, very tired when I chugged into the driiveway at about 11pm.

GuyMac found the whole shindig to be quite upsetting because it celebrated the union of his ex's sister and one of his friends, and there were feelings of discontent and disappointment that his own relationship did not work out. He imbibed a little too much and got a wee bit merry, which in his case, meant going from being "overpoweringly social and blunt" to being "overpoweringly social and exposing himself in public". Dear, oh dear! :-) I must admit that I egged him on, thinking that he wouldn't do it, and when he fumbled with his zipper, I thought it was all for a joke when OUT it came, waggling about like one of the sand worms from Dune (only smaller :-) ). No doubt, I will probably get into a heap of shit for writing this (or calling it 'small') if GM reads this. :-) But drunk people are funny. Funny! Oh, and interestingly, the bridesmaids at the wedding wore dresses with extremely plunging necklines and rather risque hem lines. I wonder who chose their dresses?

Oh yeah, and a copper stopped me and issued me an infringement on Friday night as I was rushing in to Freo to rendezvous with Flickrite All Is Revealed (Oli). Apparently, if the lights are amber, you are meant to stop -- not just go through an amber set of lights. Ok, fair enough. But why is it that I will see other drivers run through red lights without a care in a world (!) and when I do so when the lights turn amber, I get pinged by the cop? Whatever happened to karma? Anyway, feeling as if some part of the universe was consipring against me, I caught up with Oli and his mate Pete and chatted for a bit. They came to the Xmas show at the PCP (which was decidedly low key) and then we segued to the Northbridge Hotel later that night for a wee drink. The Northbridge is not a bad spot - seemed quite family oriented with a dad and kids playing snooker. What these kids were doing up at around 10.30pm is anyone's guess... but I suppose it was a Saturday night.

It's occurred to me that I have been neglecting this blog. It's not because I've turned my back on blogging - it's more a case of life becoming increasingly busy. Tonight's the first night in a long while where I have time to myself; hence, I've returned to blogging.

The From Pixel to Print exhibition opening was a riot. Things rapidly became very busy and the gallery was chockers. I get confused in a crowd - a case of over-stimulation and fractured attention, but I recall being very pumped and excited on the night. I had chats with total strangers, talking about photography and this and that. Brendan and Nathan made a few sales and even Mr Mac sold his Joy photograph. No sales for me, alas, and while it is slightly disappointing, I've always affirmed that the exhibition's the thing to achieve and any sales would be a value-add or bonus.

Because the exhibition, the onset of daylight saving (it was still twilit when I drove home from the APs at 8.45 pm tonight) and various social and work commitments (lovely work Xmas dinner last night at the Star Anise), I haven't maintained regular sleeping hours, and hence have been feeling rather flat. Today was a shocker at work - after last night's work Xmas dinner, I wasn't feeling 100% today and found myself struggling with the usual ego-related issues which in normal circumstances would not have caused a problem at all. :-(

Mr Mac has started 'going out' with Shutter77. Sort of. They're going out - he's keen but she wants to take things slow and keep things casual for the nonce. I think this confuses him. Poor man. I've also had to bail Mac out on a car loan which has put a severe dent in my savings. He says he will pay me back in installments and I have helped him set up EFT transfer from his bank account to mine to make sure that the $$$ is put through.

There has been a bit of upset on the family front - AAH has separated from JS after 15+ years of marriage. From what I understand, there has been some domestic violence in the past, which came to a climax last weekend, and the police were called. She's now with the APs and I don't know where he is. I just hope the APs will be ok through this - I guess in some respects, it was bound to happen and it's just taken 15 years. I worry a bit because JS is a mite unstable and I'm concerned he may get up to something untoward as a means of getting back at her.

H and A's wedding went without a hitch and I must say that it was a very impressive day. I was very proud of the heartfelt speeches that both gave - particularly H who thanked the APs for their sacrifices. For long, I had thought that she was too young to realise why we moved to Australia and what the folks had to give up, and her recent actions (since she hooked up with A) didn't give me much confidence in her ability to value her family, but all my doubts were put to rest by the beautifully emotional speech she gave. I was almost moved to tears. But I was also the 'family photographer', so I had to go on and get the job done.

My expenditure on camera gear has been phenomenal in the last month - thus reflected in a horrifying manner in my credit card bill for November. I almost fell out of my chair when I saw how much I had racked up on the old c-card! :-o I think I'll go easy from now on (he says, after having told Camera Electronic that he's going to get the battery grip!).

This weekend: Lucey's exhibition on Friday night; lunch with Shem and Jazz at the PCP on Saturday; sitting at the PCP with Nath and Mr Mac on Sunday, followed by the closing party at 6pm. Will be busy, but socially fun!

The last week has been most 'interesting' in the Chinese proverbial sense (ie. "May you live in interesting times..."). I've been flat out trying to manage work, visiting relatives (who are here for HSB and A's wedding) and the exhibition, which opens tonight.

So - the exhibition. It opens tonight and I'm looking forward to it. More so in regards to meeting some of the others from PIP and to finally see the photographs being viewed (consumed?) by an audience. The lead-up to tonight has been stressful. Mostly. I very nearly lost it with Dozone on Sunday night when we had gathered at the PCP gallery so that Justin could walk us through some ideas for hanging the works in a cohesive way. In typical "I'm an overbearing prick and I will bowl you over with my useless and unsubstantiated expertise", Dozone took control of the reins and buzzed about the place offering suggestions and basically getting in the way of Justin doing his work and the others from working with him to make sure that their photographs were properly exhibited. I felt as if I was in 'damage control' trying to reduce the impact of Dozone's interference. For a guy who has done sweet FA for the exhibition, he certainly wants to have a lot of say - even to the extent of wanting to give the Opening Night speech. @!$!%#^@!!!!

Anyway, I'm going to have a good time tonight, regardless of Dozone's behaviour - it's not going to ruin the opening for me or the others. It's time to shine and schmooze, I think.

Because of exhibition preparation commitments, I have been unable to go to the pool or gym since Saturday, so I'm feeling very bloated and puny at the moment. I'll go for a swim this morning as I'd like to get some exercise before tonight, or I'll be zzzzz'ing before the exhibition opening night is part way through. I dropped in at Tony's last night to pick up the eskies for tonight's opening, and he's been flat out too - with work, dealing with m-i-l, and Jen's taken ill again with a sore neck, a legacy of the accident from last year. It seems that things are always happening for T and co, and not all of it good.

So, it's HSB's wedding day today and the schedule promises to be chockers. I'm going to have to pick M up at 9 and then make our merry way to the church. The rellies descended upon us on Thursday (well, three of them) and I knocked off work early yesterday (thanks to pulling extra hours on Thursday) to take them to Freo. The experience was... err... muted. M wants me to take them out again tomorrow but at the moment, I'm not to keen. Why? Because I am so feckin' tired.

Woke up this morning with a head cold and feeling rather flu'ish. I suspect that I have been on the go all week and the body is telling me to slow down. It's also been a week of a few home truths being mentioned to Mr Mac about his contribution (or lack thereof) to the housemate dynamics and general support of a functioning household. At least he seems to have taken my comments on board... and started clearing the boxes up yesterday; but there are still boxes, and things that used to be in boxes are now on the dining table.

It's also Jazzy's 30th birthday party tonight, which I'll miss due to being at A and HSB's wedding reception. I'll get GM to drop my gift off to Jazz on my behalf.

Ok, better get on to it. A busy, busy day calls!

10 minutes before quitting time so I thought I'd pen a few lines in this rather neglected blog. Poor bloggy blog.

Well, it's starting to sound  like a broken record but geeze have I been busy. Hence the neglecting of the blog. Guy Mac had his 31st birthday on Sunday (5th Nov) - started with a cooked BBQ breakfast (my attempt at keeping him at home as his friends were going to drop by at 9am to surprise him - which they did), followed by lunch at the Belgian Beer Cafe (where this rather overweight female major domo wouldn't let us move the tables and chairs to form a larger table and was quite rude about it), then watching 'Cars' and having a few drinks at home. The drinks proved to be too much for Mr Mac (as he had had 2.6 litres of full strength beer, followed by a bourbon and coke, then a white wine) who had to beat a hasty retreat to the toilet while he snoozed on the couch. I found him lying next to the bowl looking very sorry for himself. Ha ha. Oh, and there was also a trouser dropping incident before hand when a rather merry Mr Mac dropped his dacks in front of Stephan and Terri - dear oh dear indeed.

Work has been a bit snore-inducing lately, so I have found my mind wandering to more interesting prospects such as the upcoming exhibition. My prints are all done - most are at Frameography for mounting and matting, and I will be picking up the last large print from Fitzgerald's today. I hope the others are also getting their prints etc. organised - it's been a mild source of frustration by the inaction or lack of participation coming from some parts of the exhibition camp. Or maybe I just like playing the martyr.

Well, this Saturday's THE day. 36 years old on that day. Ulp. How can I be so old and yet feel so unprepared to face it? I'm having dinner and drinks at the Como. At least I can pretend to be all grown up due to having a birthday gathering at a pub!

It's been a while. I guess with things being as busy as they are, I have had not had much chance to be reflective and journalistic. :-) The hayfever has hit me hard this morning - I feel drained, my chest feels very tight, sandpaper in my eyes... I am considering taking the day off sick but I know I won't. At least I think I won't.

I've picked up the prints for the exhibition and boy am I pleased with them - particularly the hugh 30x40 prints. I'm going to get one more 30x40 print done for the exhibition simply because I've fallen in love with that format. Unfurling them the first time at Fitzgeralds and seeing the colours and the intensity of the B&Ws spread large was breathtaking.

It's Mac's b'day this Sunday - 5th Nov - and we're going to the Belgian for lunch and to partake of some Belgian Beer. I am looking forward to it, though I have to be careful of my ballooning weight issue. 94kg yesterday on the scales. Very scary and upsetting. I've since changed memberships to the Riverton Leisureplex, which is a better facility than the LRC but I do miss the smaller, community feel of the LRC (where almost everybody knew your name :-) ).

It's my b'day next Saturday - 11th - and I've opted to have a night out with dinner and drinks at the Como instead of having somethng here (due to the huge amount of preparation and cleaning up after that is required when you host a bbq at your house). It effing freaks me out to think that I will turn 36 then. That is _so old_. It's the age where men already have teenage children, have been twice divorced, have been married for 10 years, are keeping mistresses on the side, are juggling several mortgages and debts that include a boat and a holiday home, are wickedly successful and on the top of the corporate ladder, have taken up kite-surfing or other extreme sports, drive fast cars, date fast women in red slip dresses, are losing their hair etc etc. And all I have to show for turning 36 is a house, a cat and a housemate and a certain level of smug contentment derived from having lost my ambition a few years ago. Thing is, I'm not even sure if that's a good thing. Perhaps I should be having that fast car, should be scuba diving or kite-surfing, and that other mortgage. I mean, I'm on the 40 side of my 30s after all. I should become more responsible.

Mac seems to have settled in well here - he officially separated from KT two Sundays ago but contacted her yesterday to find out if there was still a chance they could get together. Her answer was 'no' and he was a bit upset by it. But things like that, in time, will resolve.

Mac, Pete and I went to watch Children of Men yesterday. The vision of the near future it presents is realistic and awfully bleak. What impressed me the most was how fully realised this setting was in the film - the level of detail in which Alfonso Cuaron (Y Tu Mama Tambien and HP and the Prisoner of Azkaban) has infused in this futuristic setting made it seem so authentic and familiar. The one take action sequence at the end, as Theo (played by Clive Owen) weaves his way through a skirmish between the British armed forces and the Resistance, dodging bullets and mortars was powerfully jarring and nerve-wracking. So many memorable scenes play out quietly in this film - the concentration-camp like conditions of the refugee camps, the birth of Kia's daughter, the way people die when they are shot... I was quite shaken by the awful, awesome visuality (if there is such a word) of it all. And the worst thing is that this 'vision of the future' that the film presents, is a logical extension of our present, if we continue with our policies and actions that are fuelled by xenophobia and paranoia, if our governments continue to use fear to manage and maintain the status quo in the population, if we continue to allow such governments to be elected and re-elected because we are so focused on our own well-being by excluding an awareness of greater humanity. Perhaps we do deserve to become extinct, if we have become so inward looking.

Oh, the kitty cat is outside my window - he wants to come in.

I seem to have contracted a throat bug. That and my hayfever = unpleasantness. Ugh. So, I am having a sick day at home today and will try and catch up with preparing the photos for printing for the exhibition.

Mr Mac cooked dinner last night and I was most impressed with the spinach ravioli and chicken and bacon parcels. Also wine. Sweet, sweet unwooded chardonnay, chilled. Hmm.. maybe that was the cause of my ailment? I think Mac is going to bring the doggies this weekend. Which should make for an interesting event. I hope the kitty will make friends with the doggies.

I've been grappling with my ego lately, trying hard to keep it under check so that I do not get angry and frustrated by events and incidents that challenge my autonomy and independence, and continue striving to be ego-less. What a difficult and terrible journey.

It's odd but I thought I would want to hang on to the feeling/sentiments of the Greek trip for much longer and would pine for it, but now, I pretty much don't care. It feels as if it's something that has happened, was fun while it lasted, but now on to the next thing. Is this jadedness or maturity? You decide! Perhaps the trip just wasn't significant enough for me as a bit of a self-growth episode?

Oh, how we navel gaze when we feel unwell.

On well, on to other matters...

Well, the week just gone has to be one of the longest working week I've endured. I suspect it has much to do with making the physical and mental shifts back to a 9-5, 5 days a week schedule. I shouldn't complain given that Mr Mac pulls longer hours, works on Saturday, and has longer travelling time to and from work.

All seems to be settling well in the house-mate household. At present, I am very much enjoying having Guy Mac here and was myself surprised by how easily I have made the transition from single living to living with a house mate. I've even started enjoying cooking again - goes with having an audience I suspect (such a egoist, me!).

The Minolta SRT-101 that Pete gave me is finally operational. I purchased a battery and ISO400 Sensia film, installed them and after a bit of fiddling and head-scratching (I had inadvertently set the self-timer which prevented the film advance lever from functioning), it's now working. Took a self-portrait today and I intend to use it tomorrow, along with the EOS300 SLR, also loaded with slide film (not sure which as it came with the film pre-loaded when I bought it from Guy Mac). I'm also thinking of upgrading my DSLR to either the Nikon D200 or the Canon 5D - my decision is not yet made as I'll need to work out the overall costs of each upgrade. Dave A is interested in buying my 350D so I've lent it to him to test out and see if he'd like to buy it.

Tonight is dinner at Shem and Jazzy's, and tomorrow will be breakfast in Freo, followed by a hopefully lazy Sunday.

I feel buzzed again!

My first weekend back in Perth has come and gone. Time flies when you're back in the 'real world' (as opposed to that strange time-warping bubble one inhabits when one is travelling overseas).

The weekend was pretty packed - packed being the operative term as I helped Guy Mac pack his things and move them over to my place. He officially 'moved in' as my house mate yesterday, after multiple trips between his old place and mine, ably assisted by his mates Roberto and Stephan. On a personal level, I'm glad to have a house mate once more and had forgotten how enjoyable it is to have someone to talk to in the evening and in the morning; just having company to break the silences and tedium (which I don't mind, but having company is more fun). At the moment, there is a comfortable mess in my place (comfortable as in: it's messy but still looks comfortable) with boxes, clothes baskets, plastic bags and the like strewn around the family room and thereabouts. I told Mac that he could use my 'studio' as his computer area if he wanted to as it was a bit of a wasted space, but he may well just set up his desk in his room. I joked that he could then 'WinTools' in private. :-) Ahem.

Also caught up with Jacqui, and went for family dinner at Ramon's at Willow Ponds on Saturday night for HSB's b'day. The place was quite nice; the food very ordinary. The 'crab spaghetti' I had was very bland and one could hardly taste the crab. Perhaps my tastebuds have been spoiled by rich Greek/Cretan food?

When I close my eyes and think hard, I can visualise specific scenes as I saw them in my trip in Greece. Simple, mundane scenes eg. crossing the road in Iraklio, just before the old Venetian arsenal. It is wonderful to be able to do that.